I came across this article written by a mom, Jessica Dimas at her blog, Pig & Dac. It is so heartfelt and just reading it made me cry. She wrote it so well, I swear, it's like I could have written this to my own son...

This post caught my attention on Mother's Day (I don't know who wrote it), and it just touched my heart. Ever since I became a mom, I know it's my responsibility to raise a human being and to be honest, the mere thought of that SCARES ME. Don't get me wrong, it is a very fulfilling job and a job that I welcome and embrace wholeheartedly, but sometimes I question myself whether I'm doing a good job or not, whether I am doing what's right for my son or not. We all have self-doubts, and I'm sure every momma out there can relate.

As a first time mom, I admit I have a lot of regrets. And if only I could turn back time, there are definitely some things that I would do differently. First of all, I would have pushed through the breastfeeding struggle and given it a little more time instead of just giving up after 3 weeks. I know the benefits and importance of breastfeeding and up to this day, I have a hard time accepting I didn't do it for my son. That's probably my biggest regret.

I chuckled a bit when I saw this picture in Instagram the other day. This is exactly how our sleeping arrangements are every time we co-sleep with our son. We never used to co-sleep. Our son sleeps in his own crib, he still does during his naps and most nights. But there are nights when he would wake up lots and the only thing that will keep him asleep is when he's in our bed. My son is a very squirmy kid. He squirms, tosses and turns, A LOT, in bed. Sometimes I don't even have enough space left for myself. LOL, Personally, I don't mind. I love laying down next to him and snuggling. It's such a beautiful feeling.

As a first time mom, I know that there's a steep learning curve I have to go through. I've made mistakes and will inevitably make a few more, like the one time I accidentally nicked my baby's skin when I was clipping his thumbnail, or that one time he face planted on the floor while crawling and I wasn't fast enough to catch him. Or that time I waited too long to change his diaper and he developed a bad diaper rash. The list grows every day.

When it comes to my son, sometimes I find it hard to forgive myself when I make mistakes. When he was around 3 months old, I was cutting his nails with a baby clipper when all of a sudden, nip, I got the skin just under the thumbnail and he started to wail. There was so much blood. How can there be so much blood from such a little cut?! I got a napkin to stop the blood flow, it soaked right through in just seconds. I put his little finger under running water to clean it. It bled nonstop. I was panicking by then. I put pressure on the cut with a washcloth and all I could do was console him. I felt awful, to say the least. I felt like a horrible mom at that point.

​When my son was just a few days old, we quickly learned that he was going to be a high need baby. He wasn't like his cousin who would just sleep all the time and would be quiet once a pacifier was in his mouth. My boy doesn't like the binkie. He wouldn't just sleep on his own either. And he was a crier. 

Being a new mom, I wanted to understand my baby. I wanted to figure out why he was what he was. In my research, I came across this article from Ask Dr. Sears website: 12 Features of a High Need Baby

​Being a stay at home mom, I take care of baby pretty much all the time. And sometimes, it's hard especially if Henson is in a fussy mood and wants to be carried around or played with, I can't really do anything else. Household chores are not as important as baby, and they are second priority only, but they still need to be done, right?